a day with you makes up for a thousand that I cried
“
blended together
like people on earth
we’re different somehow
with the same kind of worth
we all shake and all cry
we all live and all die
we all look at the clouds
and proceed to sigh
and relief on our face
cant register to our mind
we’re all fucked up some how
normality is hard to find
we all slap our own face
and ask god fucking WHY?
we all do that some how
or at least we imply
that no matter how defiant
or how much we deny
we can lose everything
with the blink of an eye
when the wires in our brain
fuck up and go awry
the brain cells pack their suitcase
and say their last goodbye
you’ll think about the rest of them
and what you want to fry
you’re wound down,
but you’re fucked up
and you’re flying so damn high
and ill say it once more
and ill continue to try
you can lose everything
with the blink of an eye
like people on earth
we’re different somehow
with the same kind of worth
we all shake and all cry
we all live and all die
we all look at the clouds
and proceed to sigh
and relief on our face
cant register to our mind
we’re all fucked up some how
normality is hard to find
we all slap our own face
and ask god fucking WHY?
we all do that some how
or at least we imply
that no matter how defiant
or how much we deny
we can lose everything
with the blink of an eye
when the wires in our brain
fuck up and go awry
the brain cells pack their suitcase
and say their last goodbye
you’ll think about the rest of them
and what you want to fry
you’re wound down,
but you’re fucked up
and you’re flying so damn high
and ill say it once more
and ill continue to try
you can lose everything
with the blink of an eye
“
Danger.
A world of it, an ocean,
lurking beneath me.
A plan, simmering on the back burner,
but what am i if i let it defeat me?
I am young.
This is my reality, but it isnt real.
My body, my face, my mirror image,
outlined in black like a saturday morning cartoon.
And i see myself and see the ominous auras,
japanese anime and cartoon swords and animated blood, pen and ink.
I am socially conscious, i am aware
But i can’t care, i’m past that point,
and my mind and body are detached.
And i can’t force them to merge, its not my place.
And i wont admit it, not even to myself
because this sickness sickens me,
and i dont want to believe its my reality.
But when i see a person, i see pink cheeks.
i see brightly coloured auras and clean arms
and I want to run the pads of my fingers across them
because i dont remember this.
And i don’t want to die.
But i don’t want to survive.
I want to live, and somehow feel alive.
A world of it, an ocean,
lurking beneath me.
A plan, simmering on the back burner,
but what am i if i let it defeat me?
I am young.
This is my reality, but it isnt real.
My body, my face, my mirror image,
outlined in black like a saturday morning cartoon.
And i see myself and see the ominous auras,
japanese anime and cartoon swords and animated blood, pen and ink.
I am socially conscious, i am aware
But i can’t care, i’m past that point,
and my mind and body are detached.
And i can’t force them to merge, its not my place.
And i wont admit it, not even to myself
because this sickness sickens me,
and i dont want to believe its my reality.
But when i see a person, i see pink cheeks.
i see brightly coloured auras and clean arms
and I want to run the pads of my fingers across them
because i dont remember this.
And i don’t want to die.
But i don’t want to survive.
I want to live, and somehow feel alive.
“
Time after time, im slashed
Each time deeper than the last
But no matter how hard it gets,
I know this will never last.
I looked through to the end of the tunnel,
And i saw a guiding light,
And it told me i would struggle,
But i cant give up the fight.
And im trying my damn hardest
To make sure that this ends soon,
Because i definitely can live without
Another battle wound.
My body’s at a civil war,
My heart against my mind.
I know that i should stop this,
but my reasons undefined.
My body’s at a civil war,
My mind against my heart.
i’ll soon find my way out,
i just need a place to start.
Time after time, im burnt.
The more its done, the less it hurts.
But i’ll cling to the belief
that life wont let it get worse.
I looked through into the ending
and saw it wasnt very far
And so ill continue mending
all the previously made scars.
And im trying my damn hardest
To be free of all this soon.
Because i definitely can live without
Another battle wound.
My body’s at a civil war,
My heart against my mind.
I know that i should stop this,
but my reasons undefined.
My body’s at a civil war,
My mind against my heart.
i’ll soon find my way out,
i just need a place to start.
6/15
I really just don’t feel like myself anymore.
I feel detached, I feel sick, I feel broken. I feel helpless. But I can fix it.
(there I go again.)
6/6
I feel like today will be different.
Well, it should be different, anyways.
I feel so disconnected, yet I feel this need to disconnect myself even more.
So, I will.
I need a break from them anyway, from everyone.
I need to be near myself.
“
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i close my eyes,
and wish it away,
but my thoughts say more
than any words can say.
i want to change,
but i’m going nowhere,
so i think ill just be silent,
‘cause its all that i can bear.
and its so much more than violence,
its complete and total silence.
erupted from a sea of noise,
that i just cant stand to hear.
and i dont want to get violent,
so i think i’ll just stay silent.
because hearing all this noise,
makes me want to disappear.
i cross my heart,
and hope i dont die,
but this noise controls my head,
and i really dont know why.
i want to change,
but i’m going nowhere,
so i think ill just be silent,
its the only thing thats fair.
and its so much more than violence,
its complete and total silence.
erupted from a sea of noise,
that i just cant stand to hear.
and before this all gets violent,
i think im gonna just stay silent.
because hearing all this noise,
makes me wonder why i’m here.
